WILDFIRE!

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A LETTER TO DAVE

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Dear Dave,

I know when we met; I was in a bad place. Having my fiancé cheat on me with big boobs jenny at the reception was more than I could handle. It was never a case of low boobs esteem for me…I mean B cups are great considering the fact that flat chested Valerie got married last month and so, having stupid Shola leave my B’s for Jenny’s ridiculously huge D cup was more than preposterous and in fact disgusting. An executive for a front desk chick? How condescending! I mean how low could you have gone Shola?

Anyway Dave, as you can see I am over Shola and this has nothing to do with the fact that he is in the country. You know how I am with getting to the bottom of issues, ensuring that no ‘why’ goes unturned? Well, after my mum confirmed he was in the country, I went on my quest. You know all those questions I asked just after the break up that no one could really answer? Well trust me, I had to see him last week and that was why I cancelled our date (I’m really sorry about that though) and no, the main point here is not the fact I went to see him but the fact that I spent all evening thrashing issues. Whoever said there was no peace in closure.

Jenny’s out of the picture and after we talked I discovered jenny was just a one year fling. Although one year is a long time to fling an object with such a rack but then, I hope the rack didn’t make the flinging too difficult. As you have already figured, this is certainly not about Shola ‘the freak of nature’. But then, to clarify my point, I have decided to draft this letter to you, baring my heart.

You know how I thought the hurt would kill me and you came along? Well I never told you this but you were all I needed to heal. I mean all my friends had given me an ultimatum and even skinny Isi was already bragging about how it would take almost a year to find somebody else as according to her ‘guys scarce well well’. Like I said earlier you were just perfect. You had the right attitude and came at the right time but you see that there is the problem.

You haven’t really done anything I’d call wrong but, how can one be so perfect? To put the icing on the freaking cake, you proposed and of course I turned it down and this is not because shola said he has a big surprise for me tomorrow. So if you think this is about that well, let go of  all your fears as the reasons I turned down your proposal are;

-You are not Yoruba

– Unlike Shola for the past 10months, I haven’t seen a flaw in you yet and seriously no one wants to get married to some wolf in sheep clothing

-You don’t even like football like every other guy

– the fact that you spend half your Sunday in church even when last week you promised we’d go swimming,

Amongst other tit bits of your spic and span self!

Shola might have been the devil all these years but then after telling him about US, he thinks you are my rebound lover and so I think by the time you get to this part of the letter you’d understand that I need a break to re-evaluate where we both stand, I hope you understand.

MAUREEN ALASA

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This entry was posted on November 27, 2013 by in Entertainment.
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